Fun With Meat
by lemonsensei
Summary: Just before Yuki goes on a 2 week long book signing tour, Shuichi receives a Yardobeef in the mail. When Yuki's gone, Shuichi finds the beef stick to be a promising replacement for his lover. Warnings: solo, hints of shonenai


Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to the wonderful Maki Murakami. I just have fun with the characters. : )

XXXXX

"Yuki, do you really have to go?" a certain pink-haired pop star whined to his blonde lover.

"Yes, baka, for the thousandth time, I am going on a book signing trip," Yuki grumbled angrily, attempting to pick up his suitcase and shake the idol off his arm at the same time. "My damn editor finds it necessary to watch me suffer for two weeks, so I am obligated to go along with her little fun and games."

"But Yuki, you always can get out of things like this!" Shuichi moaned, tugging persistently on Yuki's arm.

"Not this time," Yuki grunted, and with a great toss, he flung Shuichi halfway across the room.

Shuichi's violet eyes went wide, shaking with tears. "Yuki, you're so mean to me! You're going away for two whole weeks, and you can't even pretend that you'll miss me?"

"No," Yuki responded curtly, opening the door. However, he was no more than two steps out of his apartment when he tripped over a large unidentifiable object and found himself on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Fuck," Yuki muttered, groaning as he pushed himself to his feet.

"YUKI, NOOOOO!" Shuichi cried, rushing to his lover's aid. "Are you hurt? Do you feel any pain anywhere?"

"Yes, there's an annoying buzzing in my ear, now will you please shut up for once?" Yuki said, glaring at Shuichi.

Shuichi, oblivious to Yuki's insult, continued to ramble on. "Do you want me to get you an ice pack? What did you fall on? Can you still walk? Are you going to be okay for two weeks without any medical attention?"

"What the fuck? Shuichi, did you leave a piece of meat outside the door?" Yuki asked, picking up a large log of meat.

"No?" Shuichi said in more of a question. Confused by Yuki's question, he asked, "Yuki, are you okay?"

"Baka," Yuki muttered, walking back into the apartment with the obscenely large meat stick.

"Whoa, Yuki, where did that come from?" Shuichi gaped in awe, noticing for the first time the meat in Yuki's hand, which was rather odd considering it was precisely three feet in length, making it fairly hard to miss.

"I don't know," Yuki said absentmindedly, examining the stick for any clue as to who it belonged. Alas, he found a small tag at the bottom, which read:

"_To Shindou-san, from your biggest admirer_."

"Well, baka, I guess it's your fault that I just pulled my back," Yuki grumbled, attempting to place the "Yard-o-beef" (or so it read on the label) somewhere convenient, which was no easy task considering its length.

"I'm so sorry, Yuki, I had no idea, really…!" Shuichi began to apologize, but Yuki just shook his head and walked back outside.

"Wait, Yuki, what is this?" Shuichi exclaimed, staring between the piece of meat sticking out between the kitchen counter and a chair and Yuki.

Yuki paused slightly, then, without turning around, said, "It's your new buttsex buddy. Use it well." With that, Shuichi watched as his lover shut the door and was gone forever. Or at least two weeks, which, in Shuichi's mind, was an eternity.

"Yuki…" Shuichi whispered in longing to the closed door.

XXXXX

A week passed by fairly well without Yuki. Though Shuichi was not eating as well, considering his only options were ramen noodles and eating out with Hiro, he was kept busy with work, so he was not constantly thinking about the absence of his beloved lover. Luckily for Shuichi, he often worked so late into the night that by the time he got home, he was so exhausted he went straight to bed without thinking once about the lack of sex in his current life.

However, on the tenth night since Yuki's absence, Shuichi's mind began to wander. Work had cut down significantly for Shuichi in the past two days, and he found himself with more free time on his hands with nothing to fill the hole, particularly the more renowned parts of the famous Eiri Yuki. As Shuichi became more and more sex deprived, he found his "buttsex buddy" looking highly appetizing.

"Well, Yuki _did_ say to use it well," Shuichi decided finally, happily skipping over to the Yard-o-beef. "Now, how does it work?"

After a perplexing twenty minutes attempting to decipher the English writing that appeared on the huge chunk of beef, Shuichi finally decided that the Yard-o-beef was most likely no different than any other sex toy. Quickly, Shuichi grabbed the spare lube from the kitchen counter and began ripping off the plastic coating the meat, eagerly anticipating the pleasure he would soon feel that he had been at a loss for in the past ten days.

Shuichi could feel himself hardening as he rubbed the strawberry-flavored lube down the hard brown surface of the beef. He then attempted to sit himself on it, but the beef was much too tall. Quickly, he raced to grab a knife, and cut the meat in half. He then positioned himself on the point of the beef once more, but it was surprisingly too large to penetrate his opening.

"And I thought Yuki was big," Shuichi thought to himself, attempting to open his hole a little so that the beef could fit. "But he isn't anything compared to this!"

After many more minutes wasted of Shuichi attempting to fit the beef inside of him, he eventually rolled onto the floor in defeat, tears of frustration running down his face.

"No, must… must do this," Shuichi moaned, far too horny to not find release. In fact, Shuichi was so horny that he did not even think of the multiple options for pleasing oneself besides utilizing a Yard-o-beef.

Standing the meat stick straight up once more, Shuichi walked to the opposite end of the room and turned to face his newest obstacle. With a running leap, he launched himself towards the beef, praying for his opening to align perfectly with the beef log and for the impact of his fall to allow him to ease onto the beef.

Fortunately for Shuichi, his plan failed miserably and he missed by approximately two feet due to the startling noise of the door opening.

"Shuichi, what are you doing?" a shaky voice asked by the door.

Shuichi looked up through his sweat-drenched pink hair to see his lover standing by the door, bag in hand and a shocked expression on his face.

"Yuki! You're home early!" Shuichi squealed, still pant-less, sweaty, and next to a lube-covered piece of meat.

"I don't want to know," Yuki sighed, walking straight towards the bedroom.


End file.
